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antigwenallies Jul. 7th, 2008 01:37 am)
thi13enthghost.livejournal.com posting in antigwenallies Jul. 7th, 2008 01:37 am)Yeah, I don't know what I was on when I wrote this, but I came across this site where you make your own newspaper cutting and I wrote this but then lost the actual saved newspaper thing. Anyway this is my report for 'The Daily Gwen-Bash'
Please note I am not a writer and this is pure crack that I wrote for fun!
Rating: PG - 13ish
Warnings: Character death
Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood or its characters
Please note I am not a writer and this is pure crack that I wrote for fun!
Rating: PG - 13ish
Warnings: Character death
Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood or its characters
A whole nation is celebrating today after the deceased body of Gwen 'Mary-Sue' Cooper was found Friday morning in the hub of Torchwood 3 by her co-worker Ianto Jones. According to her husband Rhys Williams, Miss Cooper liked to snoop around the hub when no-one was about. "She loved a good nosy, did Gwen. She told me her boss had a date that night and she wanted to catch-up on her "work" while no-one else was around to distract her. I knew what she really doing but I didn't care since it meant she'd be out of the flat."
So that explains why she was there after work-hours, but how exactly did she die? We asked Mr Jones what had happened. "I usually stay here all night but Jack surprised me Thursday night with a date and after it we spent the night at my place. The next morning he went to meet an old friend of his, he told me he'd be back in a few hours so I went to work. When I found Gwen, her head had been bitten clean off. Looking over the CCTV footage it became apparent that Gwen had been teasing Myfanway our pet Pterodactyl with her favourite brand of dark chocolate, until she snapped, bit her head off and then ate the chocolate. I spent the next hour disposing of the body and cleaning up the blood."
We then spoke to another of her co-workers Dr Owen Harper, who discovered the head. "I walked into work at the usual time. By this time Tea-boy had already cleaned up all the blood and he was in the process of disposing the body. When I didn't see him at the reception area I assumed he was off shagging Jack in his office. So I made my way to med-bay to dissect the latest alien, when I saw Gwen's head, in a big pile of dinosaur vomit, lying in the middle of my workspace. Needless to say it'll never smell the same again no matter how much Tea-boy cleans it."
Finally we spoke to Torchwood 3's very handsome and dashing leader Captain Jack Harkness, and asked him if he would be filling Miss Cooper's now vacant job with a new recruit, his answer was, "Oh yes, in fact we already have. An hour after I heard the news, I recruited former police constable Andy Davidson. He's really fitting in well, he's been here a day and he hasn't caused any deaths or disobeyed me once, so he's already better than she was."
On a final note, I think I speak for everyone when I say, good luck to Andy Davidson on his new job we know you'll do good, and Myfanway, WE LOVE YOU, one hundred bars of dark chocolate are being delivered to Torchwood right now from everyone at this paper. We hope you enjoy them.
So that explains why she was there after work-hours, but how exactly did she die? We asked Mr Jones what had happened. "I usually stay here all night but Jack surprised me Thursday night with a date and after it we spent the night at my place. The next morning he went to meet an old friend of his, he told me he'd be back in a few hours so I went to work. When I found Gwen, her head had been bitten clean off. Looking over the CCTV footage it became apparent that Gwen had been teasing Myfanway our pet Pterodactyl with her favourite brand of dark chocolate, until she snapped, bit her head off and then ate the chocolate. I spent the next hour disposing of the body and cleaning up the blood."
We then spoke to another of her co-workers Dr Owen Harper, who discovered the head. "I walked into work at the usual time. By this time Tea-boy had already cleaned up all the blood and he was in the process of disposing the body. When I didn't see him at the reception area I assumed he was off shagging Jack in his office. So I made my way to med-bay to dissect the latest alien, when I saw Gwen's head, in a big pile of dinosaur vomit, lying in the middle of my workspace. Needless to say it'll never smell the same again no matter how much Tea-boy cleans it."
Finally we spoke to Torchwood 3's very handsome and dashing leader Captain Jack Harkness, and asked him if he would be filling Miss Cooper's now vacant job with a new recruit, his answer was, "Oh yes, in fact we already have. An hour after I heard the news, I recruited former police constable Andy Davidson. He's really fitting in well, he's been here a day and he hasn't caused any deaths or disobeyed me once, so he's already better than she was."
On a final note, I think I speak for everyone when I say, good luck to Andy Davidson on his new job we know you'll do good, and Myfanway, WE LOVE YOU, one hundred bars of dark chocolate are being delivered to Torchwood right now from everyone at this paper. We hope you enjoy them.
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I know I do.
'Andy Davidson on his new job we know you'll do good'
*points to icon*
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Gwen dying
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Cats etc
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Glad you enjoyed.
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luv it!!!