It Had To Be Done

[mercury-pheonix.livejournal.com]

I just saw one of the "5 Second Trailers" for Torchwood: Miracle Whip which have been airing on Starz. I would have vomited, but my vomit was so disgusted it retreated back into my stomach in protest. Still, I couldn't pass up the opportunity for some heavy sarcasm and ridiculing of Miracle Whip as an entity.

Comments

[jsks.livejournal.com]

the expression on jack's face says it all because i haven't see that look of disgust on his face since the time owen threw up in the cell, oh, now it makes sense.

[milady-dragon.livejournal.com]

LOL!

Jack does look disgusted, doesn't he? Guess his "unstated love for Gwen" doesn't include her wielding a bazooka!

[aviv-b.livejournal.com]

I think he's gritting is teeth thinking, "hell Gwen are you sure you've got that pointing the right way?"

[madbottoms.livejournal.com]

Well it definitely deserves a little ridicule.

[syien_island]

Meh. I'm gonna watch the trailer for Doctor Who Series 6 for the upteenth time so I can get that sour taste of Miracle Whip out of my mouth.

[dvcorvis.livejournal.com]

Ah, wait a minute Gwen..I didnt teach you how to use that...come to think of it I didnt teach you either how to shoot all four tires out on a car moving towards while at night and while you are aiming at the radiator but I digres...Gwen, are you sure you know how to use that?

[dr-doomsduck.livejournal.com]

The only pictures of Jack in the Miracle Whip I've seen look slightly scary.

Also, Can we zoom in on Gwen's face for a moment, just focus on that lovely I-smell-something-nasty/I-have-no-idea-what-I'm-doing look.

*sigh* I hate to ask, but was it the cheesy bomb with the fallout song behind it, or was it an actual screentime thing?

[mercury-pheonix.livejournal.com]

No, this is another one which apparently appeared on the Starx Channel. I could link you if you want, but in summary:

CIA agent with a machine gun; Gwen on a motorbike smirking at explosion she has created; Jack with machine gun smirking coz he's a man-who and enjoys blowing shit up; Gwen with a bazooke; End of trailer.

[dr-doomsduck.livejournal.com]

lovely, sounds like Miracle day will be a very plot-based drama....>.

[mercury-pheonix.livejournal.com]

I had a huge rant with some others on FB about how Torchwood has fone from shooting cannibals in the knee-caps to subdue rather than kill, to blowing up soldiers who are just following orders with bazookas. That they accuse us of not wanting to watch because we "can't handle serious drama" comes across as very hypocritical when they advertise is using gun porn.

[dr-doomsduck.livejournal.com]

Question from TWOP. What good will guns do if NO-ONE DIES? Imagine the horror of blowing someone up, when they don't die. Jack of all people should realize the agony someone must go through in such a situation

There is a poster, with Jack and yet ANOTHER big machine gun and the subscript says, death is not an option...soooo, what exactly is planning to do with the gun then?

funny thing isn't it? Torchwood went from catching aliens to blowing up humans (I distinctly remember a captain Jack from 'fragments' objecting to shooting a blowfish). From where I'm standing, it just proves they've gone rogue. If they'd done this before the HUB was blown up then the government would've actually had a reason for terminating them. Namely, they were dangerous to the general public. This new Jack is starting to look a helluvalot like the Jack that hadn't met the Doctor yet.

Whatever happened to bigger on the inside.

[mercury-pheonix.livejournal.com]

We forget that this series isn't aimed at us - it's aimed at males in the 18-25 age bracket. Which means they're selling it with guns. It didn't become gun-porny until Series, what with Gwen and her two guns and that. And now they've taken it in completely the wrong direction. Torchwood was never about the guns. Now it is. It's soul is destroyed.

[dr-doomsduck.livejournal.com]

I don't care if the series is aimed at monkey's aged 120-140, no series can get away with shameless continuity destruction. :p

Ironically, it really does sound like they're trying to separate it from Doctor who completely. Can you imagine Eleven walking in on that...He'd have a fit with a giant wrench.

It's soul is destroyed.

Funny, now that Ianto is dead, the soul is gone but Gwen is still alive and kicking. So, ultimate question answered. what does Torchwood's heart look like? A violent, destructive piece of Gun Porn.

Also, does anyone know how and if I can edit my post, I keep seeing these typo's only after I posted it?

[weis07.livejournal.com]

"Ironically, it really does sound like they're trying to separate it from Doctor who completely".

Well, they reminded us about Jack' omnisexuality that magically appeared again (I suppose it came from DW-version flirty Jack), though in Torchwood he was all sexy-talk but one-man guy. It's almost funny how PTB try to "forget" important aspects and over-emphasize unimportant.
But yes, it seems that gay porn, maybe a glimpse of nude JB, and big guns are main means of MD adverts.

[dr-doomsduck.livejournal.com]

Remember, the plot says he's BISEXUAL now, which means that not only has he lost his 'bigger on the inside' thing, he's also lost the ability to love other species. ofcourse, not that there'll be aliens to love.

The only schmexy screentime Jack ever had was with Ianto, this whole sex-selling thing was definitely not an issue on dr. Who (that would be hell and doom, seeing as how it's a kid's show)This is the first time that they use Jack's diversity as a cheap selling point, so it's not the 'everyone is different, lets accept that' moral that Who and Torchwood 1 and 2 had, it's a 'look, we have nekkid men on the show' point.

[weis07.livejournal.com]

Argh... I forgot about that official press-release. Again.

If Torchwood really are going to make people-jam now in order to escape the enemies, then it's funny that "the heart of Torchwood" has the biggest gun. We all know that she can inflict maximum damage even without any additional means, and with gun this big... Wow. Be afraid, world, be very afraid. Gwen Cooper is coming.
Though I don't know too just when Gwen learnt to use it. I suppose time spent in Welsh countryside was very productive for our "ordinary, salty woman")) So much that Jack is in awe...

[dr-doomsduck.livejournal.com]

pfff, a bazooka is nothing compared to the damage Gwen does with her eyes and hands. after all, a bazooka runs out of ammo and can only do a small range of damage. All it can do is blow shit up.

Yep, I watched the trailer, in atrocious quality though, but I was less than impressed. Quite frankly I didn't even feel the need to vomit, just you know, yawn. I've seen Steven Seagal trailers that looked more fetching than that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBi00ZiqIv4for a good example of what over the top action trailers should look like.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ys6MQUCNuo&feature=related example of what a good political thriller trailer should look like.

Now, compare the first 21 seconds of the trailers to that shitty bit of Torchwood. BOTH have more story than it does.

[weis07.livejournal.com]

Yes, these trailers are good. And there are zombies! :))
Though now we know to not hold our breath in hope that something sensible will appear in MD. Well, maybe Gwe will have an opportunity to show her full potential.

[ruby-took.livejournal.com]

Not to forget that Jack has told the Doctor that he's rebuild Torchwood in the Doctor's honour. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I seem to recall the Doctor hating guns...so what in all the world does Jack think he's doing now? Because I can't see the Doctor approving of this.

[hydrojen90.livejournal.com]

Ugh, just went to see it on Youtube. Why did I do that!? Now I must vomit.

[michael-the-car.livejournal.com]

I suppose I could imagine she's aiming that thing at RTD.

[bk_forever]

Even if I HAD been interested in watching Miracle Whip (which I definitely am NOT), this would have put me off for good. Gwen looks completely ludicrous with a bazooka and Jack just looks disgusted. Shame it won't just blow up in her hands and put us out of our misery.

[stlscape.livejournal.com]

Well, if she fires that thing *once*, she'll be out of action for quite a few days, recovering from singed hair and skin, as well as deafness/ringing of the ears. Gwen, there's a reason soldiers fire them wearing helmets (with their hair tucked in) and ear protectors. And Jack won't be Happy!Jack if you fire it that close to his face when he doesn't have on protective gear. Rrrrr. Grrrr. Grrr. Grrr.

At least in *this* photo, she's not aiming it at Rhys and the 18-month-old-the-size-of-a-5-month-old baby.

[bk_forever]

Saints preserve us, if RTD starts going on about the 'realism' in this travesty, I will scream so bloody loud he'll hear me even though he's on the other side of the world!

I hope Gwen does burn all her hair off, it might teach her not to use weapons she has no idea how to use safely.

As for the baby, it's no wonder the poor thing is stunted - nothing really flourishes in the shade, and the shadow cast by Gwen's massive ego shuts out all the light for miles around. It's a miracle the baby's survived as long as it has. Normal growth is too much to expect.

[msjaybee.livejournal.com]

John Barrowman: "RTD told me I would have the bazooka!"

Eve Myles:"Take that Red-Shirted Ianto character who might end up being more popular than Gwen!"

[stlscape.livejournal.com]

"RTD told me I would have the bazooka!"

Either that, or "Dayum, woman! Watch where you're waiving that thing! Jeez! You can't be trusted with *anything*!"

[jsks.livejournal.com]

the problem with rusty is that doesn't respect that sci fi as genre because it is not 'serious' drama despite the fact his idea of drama seems never left the soap operas.
good sci fi is subverse, dangerous it tells a story of the times while looking to future.
gene roddenberry saw hope for humanity in sci fi while rusty sees death and the 'monster' of the week. it is this lack of vision that killed torchwood and will if we are lucky kill gwenwood. must writers unlike rusty when they saw that cough, gwen, cough was not a fan favorite would have changed storylines to give more time to jack/ianto/tosh/owen hell even myfanwy but not rusty he had the vision of gwen with guns and now it may it die soon.

[kaitelynn.livejournal.com]

Hi there, new to the fandom and like everyone else, can't stand gwen and wish suzie managed to shot her in the first ep before killing herself. do the world a favor before death. And am glad that Miracle Whip is going to be on Starz so have a great reason to completely ignore it as if it never happens. I REFUSE to pay for the channel just for the show. Even if it does have Bill Pullman in it. Now if his character managed to kill off Gwen in the first ep, that would be a different story.

[dr-doomsduck.livejournal.com]

welcome to the club, :p! I think most classic Torchwood fans refuse to pay extra for a Torchwood without Ianto/Tosh/Owen/hub/SUV/Weevils/etc. and the CoE watchers were mostly casual viewers, so my guess is, only the hardcore John Barrowman and Eve Myles fans will be paying extra for it. New fans will have to come from the folks who already have Starz.

'course, those could always download it illegally, I sure would. It's either TV or Download free, unless I really, REALLY love something.

[irishjantogirl.livejournal.com]

i can think of a place where she should stick that rocket launcher...

[mscatmoon.livejournal.com]

I had to make a new icon after looking at that. Looks like I'm going to need it.

Hmm, perhaps I should edit the caption to read: "And I thought the end of Torchwood couldn't get any worse."

[bk_forever]

Great icon, and I'm in favour of editing the caption! Ianto has every reason to look disgusted!